Beginning

I’m seven days away from my fifth and final Dublin Marathon. I’m tired…..physically, emotionally and spiritually and I’m not even sure emotionally and spiritually are two seperate states it’s just how I feel when I perform an internal audit or write a reflection passage. I feel like the fire inside is burning out. The last few months have not been tough they have been nothing shy of madness personally and professionally. When I look back and add it up over the last 10 months which seem to have whizzed by, running has been the only way to fully escape the ups and downs at work, the stress of moving apartment again, pressing forward with continuing professional development, helping Julie prepare for a general election shortly (the uncertainty kills me here) and then I also can’t shake this nagging sense that I’m turning 30 shortly and I have achieved nothing.

Unfortunately I have only recently realised that preparing for a marathon is draining the finite resources I have to devote to all the other areas of my life all of which are in need of my trade mark intensity. The truth is we got suckered into this Marathon. We kept seeing the Dublin Marathon shirts from 2017 on runners around Cork. I joked that the Dublin Marathon was ‘calling to us’. The Dublin Marathon Social Media kept influencing us, drawing us back to memories of the great achievements of last year when we raised nearly €1,500 for the Irish Guide Dogs for the Blind and took home PBs. Then the mother of all persuasions the Vótáil 100 medal. Julie is a woman actively involved in public life and standing up for what she believes in. 100 years on from Ireland granting women the right to vote, Julie selected as candidate for the next general election, Me knowing what Julie faced the last time alone and willing to lend support. We couldn’t not enter the Dublin Marathon 2018 even if it did nearly kill us to get there and finish. And finishing is important, the medals are for finishers only. You have to earn those medals.

This will be my final Marathon for some time. I plan to run in a big international marathon in the future when I can afford too but next year I’ll focus on shorter distances. On rising this morning I could feel my legs were stiff. My mind wasn’t in the game at all. My heart was a different story ‘One more round’ echoed from my chest lifting my spirit just enough to get my head off the pillow. Maybe my spirit still has something left.

Middle

The Rebel Run is ideally placed one week prior to the Dublin Marathon. At this stage as you can probably tell I needed a structured run to get me through the last long(ish) run before the marathon. I taper very differently to most people and as such if you are trying to learn how to taper I suggest you review all the research and refine it for yourself whilst keeping in mind that I am probably left of centre on the taper bell curve. Anyway I reduce my weekly mileage by no more than 10% in the week prior to a marathon. I also include two high intensity sessions. Now before you choke on your corn flakes or comment that this isn’t tapering at all I accept your point. You may well argue that it is not tapering. However, I have tried to reduce my mileage down to a minimum, turned up on race day and completely under performed. My body ceases up, I spend the first few miles trying to remind my body of the athleticism it has acquired over the previous weeks and months of hard slog on the road, in the gym or on the reformer and by the time that happens it’s racing time or worse yet I’m so far off the pace I haven’t a hope of hitting a respectable time to justify all my effort. For me tapering is personal and I barely do it.

For the rebel run we jogged to the race and jogged back. It was about 3 km each way with a 10 km course of Autumn foliage in the middle. The course was slippery but it was beautiful. Here is the break down of my long run;

Basically I did a long warm up and cool down. For the race in the middle I got to a high intensity training zone and stayed there. The race atmosphere was somewhat marred by the weather. It was grey and overcast. Even though the Cork Sports Partnership and it’s army of volunteers were clearly upbeat and enthusiastic as I was going around the course several times I found my thoughts wandering to ‘will this ever be over’. On reflection I think this is because I have the balance wrong right now. Right now I’m burning the candle at both ends and in the middle. Racing from one thing to another, not feeling, not letting my mind absorb the release running gives me. My uncle once told me running solves all your problems, he was right but you have to let running solve your problems and right now I am not doing that. It’s become a tick the box exercise because I’ve set myself an unrealistic and unachievable set of targets. I’m trying to PB again but why? I entered this marathon to finish and help Julie. My all or nothing mindset is killing me here. Nobody said I had to PB again, I did. This marathon should be somewhere in the middle in terms of performance. More importantly it’s meant to be a fun fair well. Running like all other areas of my life had now become a stress as well. My knee jerk reaction is a man falling off a cliff yelling ‘NNNNOOOOOOOO’. Further thought and reflection said ‘You’re a leader Andrew, faced with a problem, you analyse it, you make a decision and you go forward’. Thank god that part of me isn’t gone. I’ll finish the Dublin Marathon and then I’ll pivot bring and my activity back in line with the rest of my life. A PB is off the table next Sunday. I don’t have to be the best Andrew Burns ever next week. I just have to run and enjoy myself. Crossing the finish line is all that concerns me even if I have to walk a bit.

End

The Rebel Run finishes on CIT athletic track so it invites that kick that I love to deliver at the end of a race. At the end the entertaining commentator asked ‘How are you?’ as I sprinted to the finish. I yelled ‘I’m fine how are you?’ as I blasted my way across the finish line.

All the mental anguish and stress hasn’t stopped me now and it won’t stop me next week. I’m ready to face down one more marathon. See you soon Merrion Square.